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Friday, November 13, 2009

#22 - A DIFFERENT DAY

I hope that today has been kind to all of you and that each of you reading here has had a somewhat easy day. I have found amongst my blog reading that sometimes we get caught up in all of the crappy feelings that we forget to mention the good stuff. I posted on Tuesday that the day had been simply hellacious; today was just the opposite! I woke up feeling good - tired, but good (tired is just a way of life for me). I enjoyed every single kid that I worked with today - they were all on their very best behavior! All of the adults were also in pleasant moods today.

While I was at my old school (as in where I actually attended school) treating kids today, I ran into my old phys. ed. teacher, who is retired now but still fills in occasionally as a substitute. We got to talk for 5 or 6 minutes and, while it was a brief conversation, it was fantastic. It lifted me up higher than I already was. She had not heard about Gracie, and seemed genuinely sad when I told her.

The sun is shining and the temperature reached 65 degrees, which is unusual for mid-November in Pennsylvania. Usually it is cold, rainy and miserable. I know that I will never be the 'pre-Gracie' me again, but today is the first day in the last 15 weeks that I have really felt like myself. It is so hard to believe that I feel like this on a Friday, which is the day of the week that Gracie died (today marks 15 weeks). I thought that when this day came, I would feel some pangs of guilt - but so far I am guilt-free - and hoping to stay that way.

The weekend looks relatively promising - decent weather, possibly getting together with some friends tomorrow night, and a little reunion on Sunday with the other 4 couples from our Bradley Method birth class. I am anxious to see everyone again, but a little bit nervous about seeing 4 new babies at once. Keeping my fingers crossed for myself and DH on this one!!

To balance this out, DH unfortunately informed me about an hour ago that his day had been 'pretty shitty.' We are off to our nephew's HS football playoff game, so hopefully that will bring him up a little bit.

Wishing anyone who reads this an easy and peaceful weekend...

5 comments:

Bree said...

It's nice to hear you had a good day. I had one of those days yesterday. I need to write about it. I had lunch will a fellow blogger/baby loss mama and then I purchased a Christmas ornament for Ella. Thanks for reminding us to appreciate the good stuff once in a while. Enjoy the weekend!

Jill said...

So happy that you are having a nice day! Thank you for sharing. : )

Jessica said...

You are right....its just as good for us to talk about the good days as it is the bad days. Glad today is a good day and that more days to come are good days. :)

Malory said...

I am so very happy to hear you had a good day. Never feel guilty about those days. Gracie would want those for you & I personally feel she is helping you & will continue to help you towards more of them.

You are a very brave, strong & loving person to be able to meet with those 4 couples and their babies. I could not handle that quite yet. You are a beautiful person.

S G said...

Dear Susan,
I saw your comment on my blog. Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry for your loss. Gracie (what a nice name) and you are in my thoughts.
You are doing an amazing thing...working with the kids. I am a chicken and the max I could do was donate and register as a virtual walker for the Down Syndrome walk here. It was all too raw and I was scared to face my emotions.
Im pissed at your insurance company..how very inconsiderate of them. Sometimes the world gets caught up in the rules and regulations and basic courtesies are lost..