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Sunday, July 25, 2010

Question #2

This question is one of two that came to me a couple of weeks ago via email...I have no idea who the email is from, but this particular question ties in pretty well with the question from Holly that I answered yesterday. 

Although the circumstances around each lost baby are unique, and no two families will ever share the same experience, I was wondering what general advise or words of wisdom you might have for those whose losses are more recent.  

As I said above, for me, this question ties in really well with Holly's question about what the biggest change has been for each of us since Gracie's death.  For those who did not read that post, I will boil it all down and tell you that our ability to communicate with each other has been the biggest change for both of least from my standpoint.

Based on that, the biggest recommendation that I could give to someone starting out on this journey is to start communicating with your partner about how you are feeling very early on.  You don't have to reveal every deep, dark, secret thought, but make sure that you verbalize to each other that you understand, although it is the same loss, the roads that each of you take in the coming months will be so much different.  Even if you are not great communicators now, finding a way to communicate with each other what you are really feeling (and when you are really feeling it), will make things so much easier in the long run. 

Communication becomes a very difficult task under these circumstances, but it is so important, and will help to prevent additional difficulty down the road.  


Jill said...

You are so right, communication can become a difficult task in the early days of loss. I learned early on to keep that communication open and it has helped.

Holly said...

I think that is great advice!

The Blue Sparrow said...

I agree with that. I think communication is vital during the grievig process. *HUGS*

butterflymom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
butterflymom said...

Definitely great advice... it is one of those things that I wish I had more of right now, but may never have. Communication is key to life-long happiness and understanding.

Lori said...

Definitely. We started counseling two weeks after Matthew died...not that there was anything anyone could say at that time, but so we could both get in the habit of sharing feelings and having someone help us work through them. Still doing it and doubt we will stop for a while!