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Saturday, April 17, 2010


Spring has arrived in central PA, bringing with is many unseasonably warm days over the last few weeks.  I love spring and early summer.  I look forward to shutting down the wood stove, opening all of the windows, taking the dogs to the park to run and swim, watching the kids playing soccer and Little League.  I look forward to the return of green and the colors that come with newly blooming flowers, the smell of freshly cut grass, and the approach of the last day of school.  For months I was looking forward to enjoying all of this with Miss Gracie in tow.  I was so looking forward to wearing Gracie for our walks with the dogs.  For the last few days (more so than most other days since July 31st) I have been feeling robbed.  Having a dead baby is just so unfair.  I have been without Gracie longer than I carried her - somehow that just seems to surreal to me.  Perhaps it is all compounded by the questions brought about by Jellybean's increasing visibility; perhaps it is compounded by the sheer exhaustion that I am fighting (and losing to) on a daily basis; perhaps it is just the fact that every day I see more evidence of the fact that life is not fair.  Who knows.  All I know for sure is that I miss my little peanut a whole lot these days.

On a different note, we will be doing our March for Babies next Saturday.  Our team is 8 walkers strong, and we have raised just over $700 so far.  Not too shabby considering that I was intially hoping to raise $300.  Of course, I wish that I had no reason to do this walk, but I am looking forward to a nice day to walk in remembrance of our first born.  Hoping that all who walked this weekend had nice weather, and wishing the same for all those walking next week.  


Maggie said...

You took the words right out of my mouth! I've felt robbed lately as well. While I'm loving this warm weather (not this weekend though! back to cold-that's OH for ya) it reminds me of what else I can't do with Alexandra. Just another painful reminder and the fact that life isn't fair. I hope you have a great walk next week and nice weather. :) (((HUGS)))

Holly said...

Hope you are doing well! You guys have done wonderful in raising money! That's awesome!