Several of my real life friends and acquaintances are pregnant right now (all healthy and relatively uneventful pregnancies so far). I am friends with most of them on FB, so their posts allow me to see on a regular basis just how excited they are as their due dates approach. Every time I read one of these posts and feel their building excitement, I can help but become so nervous for each of them.
Just today, one of them posted "One month to go! I can't believe we're so close now." My heart just sank with anxiety when I read this. She is 36 years old, and this will be their first baby after some fertility issues. It is my understanding that much time, effort, emotion and money went into making this baby happen, and that their excitement for this baby has pretty much shot right off the charts. I think back to our 8 month mark - July 28th - and how excited we were to be so close to bringing our first born home. I had no idea what was ahead of us....no idea that within the next 72 hours our first born would be dead and our endless excitement snuffed out - seemingly without warning. Top this off with reading Holly's heart-wrenching post today, and it just plain sucks.
I expect to feel my own anxiety as we continue the journey with Jellybean, but I never expected to feel this much anxiety for others. Of course, it's something that you really need to keep to yourself so you don't scare the hell out of everyone between now and their E.D.D. Statistically speaking, it should not happen to anyone that I know...but statistically speaking, it shouldn't have happened to us, either. That makes the feeling of impending doom that much worse. It makes me wonder all over again what horrid lottery we all won to be part of this awful club and all of the emotional baggage that goes with it.