Several of my real life friends and acquaintances are pregnant right now (all healthy and relatively uneventful pregnancies so far). I am friends with most of them on FB, so their posts allow me to see on a regular basis just how excited they are as their due dates approach. Every time I read one of these posts and feel their building excitement, I can help but become so nervous for each of them.
Just today, one of them posted "One month to go! I can't believe we're so close now." My heart just sank with anxiety when I read this. She is 36 years old, and this will be their first baby after some fertility issues. It is my understanding that much time, effort, emotion and money went into making this baby happen, and that their excitement for this baby has pretty much shot right off the charts. I think back to our 8 month mark - July 28th - and how excited we were to be so close to bringing our first born home. I had no idea what was ahead of us....no idea that within the next 72 hours our first born would be dead and our endless excitement snuffed out - seemingly without warning. Top this off with reading Holly's heart-wrenching post today, and it just plain sucks.
I expect to feel my own anxiety as we continue the journey with Jellybean, but I never expected to feel this much anxiety for others. Of course, it's something that you really need to keep to yourself so you don't scare the hell out of everyone between now and their E.D.D. Statistically speaking, it should not happen to anyone that I know...but statistically speaking, it shouldn't have happened to us, either. That makes the feeling of impending doom that much worse. It makes me wonder all over again what horrid lottery we all won to be part of this awful club and all of the emotional baggage that goes with it.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
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7 comments:
I think it is hard for those of us who have experienced this heartbreaking loss because it is almost natural for us to be nervous for others. It is hard not to be when we know what could happen. xo
I think it's natural for us to worry and be nervous for others. I just wish it was all different and we never had a reason to be so worried. ((HUGS))
Glad to know (well, sorta) that I am not the only one who thinks this. I am so excited for them, but can't help but think inside my head, "There's no guarantee. You can be in the hospital...in labor...nothing wrong...and still no baby to take home." I hate that I think that way...but I don't see how I won't ever stop. Thinking of you...
I have felt the same way when looking at pregnant friends...but, sometimes it's with a feeling of "I remember when I was silly enough to feel cocky...."
thinking of you and jellybean...
I too have felt this way. I had many friends that were due in April and the thought of things going wrong for them was always in the back of my mind. With all the information we now have about possible tragedies in pregnancy/birth and having gone through it ourselves, I think it is difficult to shake these thoughts from our minds. It is hard to smile and be positive isn't it. My hope is that all of us here in this blogging community will have the chance to change these thoughts around with some postive experiences for ourselves. :)
It's hard not to be anxious b/c now we know what can go wrong. I just pray that none of us ever have to experience it again.
I still find myself worrying for those who are pregnant and I find myself jealous of them because I don't know how to be naive about pregnancy ever again. *hugs*
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