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Monday, May 2, 2011


These days I am thankful that most of the loose lips, stupidity, mindlessness of others doesn’t hurt or sting like it used to.  Now it just makes me sigh, roll my eyes or twitch a little bit.  Occasionally it makes me giggle, simply because whatever has happened is so unbelievable.  I’m not sure if it’s more amusing or more frustrating when it’s family that does the stupid stuff. 

If you’ve read here for any length of time and actually committed to memory the things that I have written here, you may recall that I don’t talk much about my mother…and when I have talked about her, it’s usually to say that the relationship is strained at best, and has been for about 20 years.  When it’s warranted, I do try to make an effort, though.  After much debate, we included her in Gracie’s funeral arrangements, and she made a spectacle of herself during the service.  I saw her only once or twice between Gracie’s funeral and when Jenna was born.  I have seen her just a handful of times since Jenna came home from the hospital, primarily because she sits around and waits for a gold plated invitation to come visit her granddaughter.  We don’t do gold plated invitations.  For anyone.  The rule is that if you want to see Jenna, you call us to see if we’re home and then you come visit.  When she doesn’t get a gold plated invitation, she sits around and sulks and then she starts fishing for an invitation by inundating me with emails.  Rarely will she ever just ask if she can come visit. 

This morning she sent me an email that, at first glance, seems innocent enough.  But in all honesty, it kind of put me off and now I just need to vent a little bit.  First, she asked me to go shopping with her on Friday or Saturday so she can buy me a mother’s ring.  Yes, it’s a nice gesture, but it’s not appropriate yet.  She and I have had this discussion already and she’s been told that I have no interest in a mother’s ring until we are done having kids, and she’s also been told that my husband is actually looking forward to buying that for me.  She followed up the jewelry offer with an invitation to come to dinner at her house on Sunday so ‘we can have fun celebrating (my) first Mother’s Day.’  Yep.  My first Mother’s Day.  Is it appropriate to say ‘Thanks, Ma, but I celebrated my first Mother’s Day last year by having brunch with my husband and then going to the cemetery.’?  If she hadn’t gone down that ‘first’ road, I probably would have agreed to dinner, but I’m just not feeling it now.  I’m just not feeling sitting there through the celebration of my ‘first’ Mother’s Day without saying something, yet I’m just not feeling that conversation with my mother, either.  A detail so small and so HUGE at the same time... 

In other family matters, if those of you who pray have any extra prayer space, I could use a little prayer directed this way.  My dad had surgery today for colon cancer.  The surgery went well, and it appears that everything was contained to the colon and removed without issue, but we won’t know for certain until the pathology reports on the lymph nodes are back.  So, if you can keep us in your thoughts, I’d appreciate it.  Thanks!!


ccc said...

I will pray for your father. I am so sorry about the upsetting episode. It's very difficult when others-especially family members(esp mothers)-do not understand how you feel or feel differently than you.I will pray that you find peace with this. God Bless.

paula said...

your dad will be in my thoughts and will be a renewed relationship between you and your mom.

Big Love, Big Acceptance - or so I say said...

I know your dad isn't out of the woods yet, but I'm happy to hear the initial report looks good. I'll be holding him and your family in my thoughts.

And I'm sorry to hear about your mom's email. Made me shake my head in frustration. I know for myself I'm not always suprised when family does/says something silly and hurtful like that, but I think I still always feel hurt - because I keep hoping they will get it.

Much love to you!

Malory said...

UGH to what your mother said.

I will be thinking of your dad.