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Thursday, April 21, 2011

Small Miracles Blog Hop #3

In her Small Miracles post this month, Franchesca said "the world is a better place because they were here."  She is right.  Most people will never understand or realize it, but the world is certainly better because of our babies. 

A year ago, our March for Babies family team raised just over $1500.  So far this year, we have raised $2500.  We still have just a week to raise funds for this year's walk, but even if we don't raise another penny this year, we have raised $4000 for the March of Dimes.  We do this in memory of our daughter.  If she had not been here, we would never have raised any money...and we would have never seen some of the most amazing generosity from the most unexpected of people.

My friend, Debbie, and I will be donating memory boxes to a local hospital.  We do it not for the hospital, but for the families that are going home, more or less, completely empty-handed.  Jeff and I have also donated to the memory boxes that our hospital distributes to families. 

When we started attending a perinatal and infant support group 18 months ago, I don't think we ever anticipated that we would still be attending at this point in our grieving process.  But we are still there.  (The running joke within our group is that we are support group junkies.)  Not only does going to the group meetings continue to help us, but we are now able to help those who are just beginning their journey.  We are able to show them some of the hope that waits for them further down the road. 

All small things in the scope of the world, but small things that matter and make a difference...

Sunday, April 17, 2011

A Fellow BLM's Story

If you haven't 'met' fellow BLM, Mandy, I urge you to visit her blog and read her family's story at From Under the Weeping Willow.  Just over a month ago she lost her full-term son to Potter's Syndrome; what makes her situation so tragically unique is that this is the second child that she has lost to Potter's Syndrome.  I have been following her blog for about two months now, and I find her spirit to be amazingly inspiring.  If you have a moment, head over and send her some love.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

March for Babies

For those who are new to my blog, or those who just haven't been doing much reading lately, I wanted to provide a quick snippet of information.  My husband and I were asked to be the ambassador family for our local March for Babies.  Our goal is to raise $5000 by April 30.  If you have/are not supporting another March for Babies team this year, please consider making a donation toward our team's goal.  No donation is too small; even $5 can make a difference.  Every penny donated is one step toward preventing another family from experiencing what we have all lived through.  If you have never walked in the March for Babies, I encourage you to find a walk close to you and participate! 

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Overwhelming and Numbing

This grief overwhelms me; it burns in my stomach, and I can't stop bumping into things.... This loss is numbing me; it pierces my chest, and I can't stop dropping everything.  
~Alanis Morissette

As I look back at my posts from the last few months, I can almost see and feel my pain jumping off of the computer screen and smacking me in the face.   Some days I feel like I'm walking backwards through my grief.  I desperately want it to stop.  I want that constant feeling in the bottom of my heart and the pit of my stomach be gone.  I want to be able to stop mourning the loss of what I thought my life was going to stop mourning what should have been with my first stop mourning what will never be.  I want the griefless days to outnumber the days filled with grief.  I want to talk about people to stop telling me how strong I am and/or that they could never live through such a thing.  I want people to understand that we had two live through our loss or roll over and die because of our loss...and I want them to understand that strength has nothing to do with the decision.  I never asked to be, or planned to be, a BLM.  I don't want a dead baby and I certainly don't want to belong to this club anymore.  I just don't.  Too bad it isn't that simple. 

Despite feeling like I've been walking backwards over the last few months, the last few days have been pretty good.  Two of the last 5 days I have felt like Super Woman; I've been productive at work and home...almost feeling like 'myself'.  Fingers crossed that it sticks around for at least a few weeks!  

Wednesday, April 6, 2011