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Thursday, June 30, 2011

What Fun It Was

My pregnancy with Gracie overlapped with the pregnancies of a large handful of family and friends.  Most of those babies were born within 2-3 months (before and after) of Gracie.  Being pregnant with everyone else was a hoot...all the conversation about these kids growing up and playing together.  It really was incredibly fun.  Right up until the day my daughter's heart stopped beating.  Now it sucks.  Most days it doesn't bother me too much.  Other days it sucks big, fat hairy goat balls.  Pictures of these kids posted on FB.  Watching these kids run around and play at family events.  Hearing my friends talking about taking their kids to an area amusement park that we all went to as kids.  Watching and hearing about the plans for last year's first birthday parties and this year's second birthday parties.  I should be doing all of the same things this year.  I keep looking at all of these kids and seeing how big they have gotten over the last two years, and looking at Jenna as she grows so quickly...and wondering what my little Gracie would look like now and what she would be doing.  I don't want to ever forget, but some times I wish my brain would quit with the 'what if' and 'I wonder...' thoughts. 


Becky said...

I hate that also. I have a couple of friends that were all prego at the same time as me also and now they have there happy, healthy babies and I am left with grief. It's not fair at all.

Malory said...

I struggle so much with this. xoxo

Big Love, Big Acceptance - or so I say said...

Me too. And mayb it's because Allison is here now, but when I see friends on FB post photos of their kids turning 2, I'm extra aware of how Acacia isn't here... and that she "should" be turning 2 this fall.

Love to you, Gracie, and Jenna.