Day 24 - Where I Live

Yep...I live in Pennsylvania Amish country.  Just a hair northeast of the center of the state.  Although it's not as well known as the Lancaster, PA area, it's pretty much the same.  After college, I returned to live in the same small town where I grew up (my hubby grew up here, too)...a town that is about half of a square mile in size with a population of 1695 (according to the 2000 census).  There are no traffic lights in my town....yep...really.  No traffic lights in our town, and only 1 traffic light in the entire school district.  Enrollment in our school district (K-12, not including Amish children living in the district...they go to their own schools) is about 950 students and our elementary school has earned Blue Ribbon status.  I live in the largest county (geographically speaking) in the state, with a population of about 117,000 people.  There are two colleges about 15 minutes away, and 7 other colleges/universities within a 60 minute drive of here.  Our area is small enough that we will never have a Trader Joe's or Whole Foods.  :-(   We do, however, have 4 major prisons within 5 minute of my house.

Our general area has been invaded, primarily within the last 2-3 years, by the natural gas industry.  Much of PA (except the south east corner), along with with eastern Ohio, southern NY and most of West Virginia are sitting on one of the world's largest pockets of natural gas; consequently, there are natural gas wells popping up everywhere.  Decent for our local economy, but not so great for long term preservation of our environment. This is what a remote/rural well site looks like during the 1-2 months of drilling...

Sometimes I feel like people here are so locked into one way of (backwards) thinking and couldn't find the outside of the box if someone led them by the hand.  It frustrates me and sometimes makes me wonder why the hell we stay here...but generally speaking, I like where we live...while there must certainly be 'better' places to live, I know that there are much worse places to be...

They Fell Just a Bit Short...and a Question for Those of You with Artistic Talents

My husband and I were in my OB's office today for my postpartum checkup.  I guess I should say that, unlike so many women, I did not change OB providers after Gracie's death.  Unlike many women I have encountered after their experiences multiple losses or late term stillbirth, I love my OB's office.  They have been nothing but supportive since our loss, and I know others who can say the same.  Yet, today, I left feeling a little disappointed.

The office was like pink-a-palooza...there were pink ribbons and breast cancer awareness paraphernalia all over the office.  All over.  There was nothing visible...anywhere...about pregnancy and infant loss.  Nothing drawing awareness to how widespread and nothing to encourage remembrance for those lost and support for those left behind with empty arms.  I am in no way putting down or discouraging breast cancer awareness.  Cancer awareness and prevention is a huge thing...there is no question about it.  My aunt died of cancer, my uncle has been riddled with cancer for over 10 years, my MIL is embarking on her 4th battle with cancer, and my BIL had colon cancer at the age of 31 (none of it breast cancer, but cancer nonetheless).  And there is no question that every woman should be encouraged to do proper monthly self-breast checks...but in all honesty, if there are women out there who are unaware of breast cancer or unfamiliar with the concept of monthly self breast exams, it's more than likely because their heads have been shoved in the sand.  

That said, I was somewhat disappointed that my OB's office was completely without anything to at least encourage support for those who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss.  I don't know if the subject was presented to anyone there, but come on, they're an OB/GYN office.  I get the potential stand that "we don't want to freak out the preggos," but if you do it from a standpoint of supporting those that have suffered a loss, it's not going to freak out the preggos nearly as much.  I was really hoping for just a bit more from them, knowing how many of their patients have had a loss...and how many of those losses have been quite late in the game.

So now, to the question.  I am not artistically gifted, nor am I really creative or artsy with the very basic programs on my computer.  I have looked around online each year and not found much in terms of awareness 'posters', and I am wondering if those of you who are creative and have the appropriate programs have ever thought about designing a 'poster' of sorts for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month or Remembrance Day.  Either something that those of you who are set up for online financial transactions could have printed and then actually sell online to the rest of us, or something not bigger than legal size paper that the rest of us could download and print off on our end and distribute as we saw fit.  Anyone have any thoughts on this???

Days 19 through 23

So I haven't managed to keep up with this every day, but I'm not doing too bad.  Here are a few days worth of answers to catch me up!

Day 19 - a talent of mine
I'm pretty good at quite a few things, but I don't know that I have one specific talent that stands out.  Kind of that jack of all trades, master of none thing.  I am relatively musical, I am a decent athlete, I can cook and bake pretty well, I am okay with a camera. 



Day 20 - a hobby of mine and how it changed since my loss.
I don't know that this is really a hobby, per se, but since I don't get paid for it, we'll call it a hobby.  My involvement in the fire service, and how I look at and approach everything has defintiely changed since losing Gracie.  I am suddenly not nearly as excited to run into a burning building as I once was, I think primarily because I can no longer say 'that won't happen to me' about anything in my life with any certainty.  So the possibility of being injured, or worse, while fighting a fire suddenly seems very real.  I also look much differently at the people we help.  I used to have a 'disconnect' switch that allowed me to disconnect my emotions when dealing with critically ill or dead people, but now...not so much.  It's still there, but it's harder to reach the switch. 



Day 21 - a recipe
I found this recipe online and it looked really good.  I had it for a while before I made it, because I had trouble finding raspberry vinegar.  It is a good blend of flavors...even my husband liked it, and he's not big on chicken.  Reviews and the original recipe can be found here. 

Grilled Chicken Breasts with Fresh Strawberry Salsa

• 4 (6 ounce) skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
• salt and pepper to taste
• 1 serrano chile, seeded and minced
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 teaspoon chili powder
• 2 tablespoons raspberry wine vinegar
• 1/4 cup olive oil
   
• 2 cups sliced fresh strawberries
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh mint
• 2 tablespoons white sugar
• 1 serrano chile, seeded and minced
• 1/3 cup minced red onion
• 2 tablespoons raspberry vinegar
• salt and pepper to taste
• 1/4 cup sour cream

1. Pound the chicken breast halves with a meat mallet until 1/2 inch thick. Season with salt and pepper and place into a resealable plastic bag or small baking dish. Whisk together 1 serrano chile, garlic, chili powder, and 2 tablespoons raspberry vinegar in a small bowl. Whisk in the olive oil until incorporated, then pour the marinade over the chicken breasts, squeeze out excess air, and seal. Place into the refrigerator, and marinate for 2 to 3 hours.
2. While the chicken marinates, toss the strawberries with the mint and sugar in a bowl. Cover, and refrigerate 1 hour, then fold in the remaining serrano chile, red onion, and 2 tablespoons raspberry vinegar. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Let the salsa stand at room temperature for 20 minutes before serving.
3. Preheat an outdoor grill for medium-high heat, and lightly oil grate.
4. Remove the chicken breasts from the marinade, and shake off excess. Discard the remaining marinade. Cook the chicken on the grill until no longer pink in the center and the juices run clear, 3 to 5 minutes per side. Serve with the strawberry salsa and a dollop of sour cream.

Day 22 - a website that has been meaningful since my loss
During the first week without Gracie, I found a few online support forums for those working through infant and pregnancy loss.  I spent the most time in a few forums on babycenter.com, and from there found my way into the BLM blogosphere.  Interestingly enough, when I got pregnent with Jenna and joined some pregnancy groups.  I found the women in the pregnancy groups/forums to be ridiculous and caddy, and ended up steering away from BCC all together.  Because of that and time constraints, I haven't been to the loss forums in months.  I feel bad about it, becuase there were so many women there to support me in my early days, and I woul like to be there for others just starting out on this journey. 


Day 23 - a youtube video that makes you laugh.
Yeah, I've got nothing on this one.  There are a couple videos that I can think of off the top of my head; I have searched for them for a few minutes and cannot find them.  All of the others that come to mind are not overly appropriate for this type of forum.  

Another Name Picture

I would like to thank Missy from Alexandra's Angels for doing Gracie's name!!  I love it!! 

Another Prayer Request

I don't very often make public prayer requests, yet here I am making my second request in less than a week.  We could use some prayers, good thoughts and colorful vibes for my MIL.  She has had two bouts of colon cancer in the last 15 years and also had a kidney removed two years ago because of cancer.  She had a colonoscopy this morning and the doctor is 'pretty certain' that her colon cancer is back.  We don't know much more than that at this point, as the pathology reports are obviously not back yet, and she will not see an oncologist for 2 more weeks.  In the meantime, we will take all the help we can get from the rest of you....

Day 18 - My Wedding

Our wedding was a long time in the making, since we were together for about 14 years before finally tying the knot!  I really did marry my best friend that day.  It was one of the two best days of my life.

Helping Bereaved Parents

I stumbled across an interesting publication (not sure if it's actually published in print or just virtually) tonight.  While some of it is perfectly applicable to all of us, much of it is written specifically for those interacting with and supporting bereaved parents.  Wonder how we get the rest of the world to read something like this...

Helping Bereaved Parents

There have been several sites pop up in the last year that provide lists of suggested memorial music, suggested readings, bible verses, poems, etc; this publication contains an extensive collection of these things...  

Day 16 and Day 17

Day 16 - A song that makes me cry, or nearly cry...
There aren't really any songs that spontaneously move me to tears anymore unless I am already having a rough day...and then it's a crap shoot.  That said, there are 26 songs on the playlist here on Gracie's blog.  They are all there for a reason.  All of them have some sort of significance to Gracie, and each of them moves me in a different way.  I can't really narrow it down beyond this...  The significance of many of them is probably pretty clear, but if you want to know the significance of a particular song, just ask.

Day 17 -  An art piece that moves me...
For Christmas last year I asked for and received a family sculpture from The Midnight Orange.  The significance of this piece is also pretty self explanatory.  I have decided that I will have a new piece made after each of Gracie's younger siblings is born to more or less chronicle the growth of our family.